January 23, 2012
9:24 PM
*Based on the fact that a person lives for 80 years on average.
Now
that the times are tougher, I am starting to get tired of my life. I've
had a lot of "what ifs." I've wondered what my life would be if I
didn't leave Miriam College. if I didn't meet Cristian, if I didn't
pursue my MA, if I didn't play pingpong, and many other things.
I
came up with the questions below to challenge myself, to find
direction, to know where I am now. Maybe the pressures and stresses of
work and school are driving me nuts. But I don't know, the time really
comes when you begin to question your purpose in life...
What am I doing with my life?
What
have I done in the recent years to bring change to this dying world?
I've always wanted to change a lot of things but what have I done?
NOTHING. Nothing. I used to tell myself that one day I'll be a
change-maker, that I'll help the poor, feed the hungry, make my country a
better, peaceful place. All these years I've done nothing. I always
talk but never walk. I spend my time studying and studying, it's all in
my head.
I should stop being selfish. This life that I am living
should not be focused on me. I am better off than other people, so I
should stop being so selfish. It's time to think about other people.
What has happened to my dreams?
I've
had lots of dreams. Some were unrealistic and childish but some were
serious. I dreamed of becoming a songwriter and a singer. I've always
had an excellent singing voice. (yabang! haha) I've written a number of
songs. Songs that come straight from my heart, life and experiences.
I
dreamed of working for an NGO that solves our society's problems from
the roots. I've always wanted to do something for the people in need.
Remove their hunger and you give them more opportunities and choices in
life.
I dreamed of becoming a politician too. I don't want to be
corrupt like the others. My focus is not to have money. But to utilize
the taxpayers money to improve the citizen's lives. I want to see change and be the change!
All
that I am doing now has been a hindrance for me to achieve my dreams.
Well, maybe not a hindrance but stepping stones for me to reach my
dreams. It's just that I'm getting tired and impatient. I feel worthless
for not being able to do anything. I wanna do big things! I know I can
do something to change this country! I don't want to just sit around as
opportunities to bring change passes me by.
Where am I now?
I
still am a student. I am taking my masterals in Economics at Ateneo de
Manila University. I'm unexpectedly doing well in school. I am also
working part-time as a teaching assistant there. I bring students to the
field to do their research for the communities.
I am studying
under an athletic scholarship. I play pingpong. It keeps me healthy and
sexy! haha I enjoy playing although somewhat I am getting tired of my
routine in life. I want a change in my life. I'm getting tired of my
life.
What do I plan to do now?
I
want a break. I want to rethink my life, What I value, what I really
love doing. I want to go on vacation and spend some time with myself.
HAHA I feel like dropping everything I have now and just leaving for
vacation. I started to feel that whatever I have now is not for me. I
don't deserve any of this.
Lord, I pray for direction in
life. I wanna know what you want me to do. Let's have it your way this
time. I wanna make things right in my life.
*BOW*
No comments:
Post a Comment